Do Not Stand
by SpookyT
Summary: Do not stand by my grave and weep, I am not there I do not sleep. Angsty, poetry Shweir fic. Please r & r
1. Prologue

**"Do not stand at my grave and weep,  
I am not there, I do not sleep**."

**Tears rolled down Elizabeth's face as she recited the words of a poem that was said at every funeral. As she looked out at the crowd around her she wondered why?**

"I am a thousand winds that blow.  
I am the diamond glint on snow.  
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.  
I am the gentle autumn rain."

**He was all those things, had been since they first met. He was often the only reason she got up in the morning. When the terrors of the Pegasus galaxy got too much for her, he was always there to help her through it.**

"When you wake in the morning hush,  
I am the swift, uplifting rush  
Of quiet birds in circling flight.  
I am the soft starlight at night."

**Elizabeth paused closing her eyes, remembering this morning when she woke up and felt his pressence there with her. She had almost felt his arms around her, his breath on her neck, his heart beating in time with hers.**

"Do not stand at my grave and weep.  
I am not there, I do not sleep.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry.  
I am not there, I did not die!"

**Elizabeth looked out at the crowd, she saw his team, the other Atlantians, Athosians and even SG1 and General O' Neill. All had come to repay their respects to a great man. She didn't fail to notice how General O' Neill had his arm wrapped around Doctor Carter's shoulders and she silently wept for her lost friend.**

**"I never quite understood why that poem was recited at funerals. It seemed such a major contradiction. John Sheppard has died, his body lies in the coffin before me."**

**There were some hurried whispers among the congrigation who were no doubt upset by her statement.**

**"However while we will soon be putting his body in the ground his soul will always be with us. He is in our hearts and lives through our memories. So you see while we live John Sheppard will never truly die."**

**She looked down at the podium and tried to control the emotions that ran through her. She must be strong..**

**"John was a unique individual. He was corageous, generous, funny and smart. He was always there when anyone needed him. John saved my life and indeed all our lives a dozen times over. He gave all he had and never asked for anything in reurn. He will be missed."**

**She couldn't go on anymore and signalled for the guards to prepare the coffin. John was going to be burried in one of the indoor gardens on Atlantis beneath his favourite tree.**

**-------------**

**People slowly filed out of the garden, tears still in their eyes. Elizabeth remained, a little girl in her arms and looked at the inscription on the tombstone before her.**

_**John Sheppard**_

_**Leader, hero, husband and father.**_

_**Atlantis will never forget you.**_

**_End_  
**

(A/N) So what do you think. Please review and let me know. By the way the poem is by Mary Frye.


	2. Chapter 1

A/N I would like to thank you all for your great reviews and as a reward for your kind remarks i have decieded to write more.

**Chapter 1**

**Elizabeth awoke with a start. She was short of breath, her heart was going a mile a minute and she was drenched in sweat. Tears streamed down her face and stung her eyes. Fear coursed through her veins as her hands sought out the comfort she so desperately needed. Her fingers soon came in contact with her husbands chest and wove their way through the hair as she assured herself that he was infact real.**

**Her soft caresses slowly woke John from his sleep. He blinked a few times until her face came into focus. What he saw sent a choll down his spine, Elizabeth's beautiful face was wet with tears, their was fear in her eyes and she looked as vulnerable as a lost child.**

**"Beth what's wrong? What happened?"**

**He slowly pulled her into his arms, he had only seen her like this once before, after the incident with the Genii. Only this time she was worse, she was shaking and he could tell she was finding it hard to breathe. He was tempted to just pick her up and carry her down to Carson but he knew there was nothing the doctor could do to help.**

**"I...I...I dreamt...you."**

**Elizabeth tried to get a sentence out but the more she tried the harder she cried. She didn't need to say any more John knew what the nightmare was about. It broke John's heart to see Elizabeth this way. He knew that when they first arrived in Atlantis she often dreamt of colleages dying but she hadn't had them in years. After about ten minutes Elizabeth's breathing evened out and softly she whipered,**

**"Don't ever leave me."**

**John held her tighter, internally vowing to never let her go.**

**"I'll never leave you Beth, I love you too much."**

**They sat like that for almost an hour before they heard a thump on the door. Elizabeth wiped her eyes one more time before answering.**

**"Come in sweety."**

**She didn't need to say it twice 'cos in ran a five year old girl with long brown hair and green eyes. The little girl jumped onto the bed and snuggled in between John and Elizabeth.**

**"Good morning Mommy, good morning daddy."**

**John smiled and kissed his daughter on the top of her head. Elizabeth took a small hairbrush from the nightstand and began to brush the girls hair. When she finished she gave the girl an eskimo kiss and handed her the hairbrush. The ritual was repeated as the girl brushed Elizabeths hair.**

**"So Isabelle, what do you want to do today?"**

**Isabelle's eyes lit up at the prospect of choosing the days activities. Would they play football? No, daddy always let her win. What about a movie, they were always fun? But they only had the Lion King and that always made Mommy cry.**

**"I wanna go in da puddle jumpa!"**

**Elizabeth shook her head at her daughters bad grammer. It was true that Isabelle was highly advanced for her age but sometimes she would revert back to talking like a baby, she blamed John. John lifted his daughter up into the air and swung her around.**

**"Then milady we will fly through the clouds!"**

**Isabelle squeeled as her father swung her about like she was a plane, or puddle jumper. When her feet were firmly on the floor she climbed back up onto the bed and hugged her mother.**

**"Are you coming mommy?"**

**Elizabeth looked down into her young girl's eyes, she wanted so much to take the day off and spend it with her, unfortunately this city didn't run itself.**

**"I'm afraid i can't baby, I have a meeting with Uncle Rodney and Aunt Sam."**

**Isabelle's face fell. She understood that he mommy was important but not why she could never have any fun.**

**"I want you to enjoy today and maybe I'll have a surpirise for you when you get back."**

**Isabelle's mood lightened a bit at the thought of a surpirse.**

**"OK mommy."**

**Elizabeth kissed the girls head, then lifted her up and threw her over her shoulder.**

**"Now young lady lets get you dressed."**

**Isabelle screamed with delight and waved to John as her mother carried her out of the room. John laughed at the site before him, then headed into the bathroom. As he turned on the shower a thought entered his head.**

_**'I'd better set up an appointment with Kate for Beth. Dreaming of the death of one's husband cannot be healthy." **_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Isabelle stood at the top of the steps facing the Stargate waiting for her father. She was so excited about going out in the Puddle Jumper, they were even going to stop by the mainland and see Jinto and the other Athosians. Isabelle liked Jinto, he was funny and always played with her even though he was twelve years her senior. Although she was excited Isabelle also felt really guilty because her mother wasn't coming. When her mother was helping her dress this morning Isabelle got the sense that something was wrong.**

**------_Flashback---------_**

_**"What's wrong mommy?"**_

_**Isabelle looked into her mother's eyes, what she saw was something she had never seen in her mothers eyes before, it looked like fear. Elizabeth just shook her head and buttoned up Isabelle's pants. She looked so adorable. For her birthday Jack had gotten a mini pair of Atlantis bdu's made for Isabelle and whenever she went out to the mainland or anywhere other than Atlantis Isabelle insisted on wearing them.**_

_**"Nothings wrong honey, now come on we don't want to keep your daddy waiting."**_

_**--------End Flashback-------**_

**Isabelle didn't believe her mother for a second and went straight to her father. He said he knew and promised that he would take care of it. Isabelle knew he would because when her daddy made a promise he kept it. She didn't have to wait much longer as her father soon entered the gateroom. She ran down the steps and he picked her up and swung her over his shoulder.**

**"Put me down Daddy!"**

**John just laughed and ran up the steps towards Elizabeth's office. Elizabeth saw them coming and went towards the door.**

**"I have brought our new prisoner to you ma'am, how should we punish her?" John asked putting on a highly overdone evil villian voice.**

**"Well now," Elizabeth said sounding a little bit like the witch from The Wizard of Oz. "I think we should tickle her and then take her for a spin."**

**Elizabeth reached up and started tickling Isabelle who was still slung over her fathers shoulder. The little girl squeeled and squirmed as she tried desperately to get down. Elizabeth's had came down and rested on John's cheek.**

**"Have a nice day and take care."**

**"I will." John said as he leant down and kissed his wife.**

**"EEEEWWWW"**

**John and Elizabeth pulled apart and laughed at how their daughter had reacted.**

**"Bye honey," Elizabeth said as she walked around so she was facing Isabelle's face.**

**"Bye mommy."**

**As John left the room, Elizabeth couldn't stop the anxiety that was rising inside her. She couldn't explain her fear, they were only going to the mainland it wasn't like anything was going to happen to them, right?**

**------------------------------------**

**The day on the mainland went fairly well, Jinto played with Isabelle for a few hours while John checked with Halling that everything was ok. Before they left Jinto invited John and Isabelle to see the new cave he had discovered which was covered with what looked like Ancient writing. The cave was in the middle of the forest, in a section John had never explored before. John was a little nervous of bringing Isabelle along but decided that she would be safer with him.**

**As they entered the cave Isabelle reached up and took hold of her fathers hand. She said she was fine and that she was having fun but the firm grip she now had on John's hand made him think otherwise. The cave was long, dark and narrow, Jinto's torch showed the writings that covered the walls and made the cave look quite scary, even for John. After walking for a few minutes the cave **

**widened into a large room, again covered in ancient writing.**

**_"This is fantastic!"_ John thought. _"Elizabeth would love to see this." _**

**John's eyes scanned the room taking in every detail. It was absolutely magnificent. He had no idea what any of it said but he knew Elizabeth would be able to work it out. Over the last few years her understanding of the ancient language had greatly increased and she was able to tell at a glance what any synbol in Atlantis meant. John was torn from his musings by a hand tightening its grip on his hand. He looked down to see Isabelle clinging to him, visibly shaking.**

**"What's wrong sweetheart?" He asked as he bent down on his knees to look her in the eye.**

**"I'm scared Daddy, can we go?" **

**As the little girl answered her father her eyes began to well with tears. John was shocked to say the least, Isabelle was a right little explorer and nothing ever frightened her. However if she was scared he would not keep her here.**

**"Jinto I think its time we..."**

**John was cut off by a loud scream from beside him.**

**"DADDY!"**

**Isabelle was pointing to a spot in the corner. As John shon his flashlight on the spot, he noticed that the walls appeared to be moving. He quickly picked up Isabelle and began to back out of the cave. He didn't get far before a swarm of bat like aliens flew at them. John bent down on the floor and covered Isabelle with his body hoping the swarm would pass them over and fly out of the cave. However they flew in circles around the two figures. John was able to see Jinto hiding in the corner, untouched by the bats. He was about to signal the boy to run when one of the bats flew past and bit his arm.**

**"AAAARRRRGGGHHH"**

**John moved his body so that the bats had no way of getting at Isabelle, but as the pain surged through his body he wasn't sure how long he could protect her. Suddenly another bat attacked him and then another. The pain John was feeling was unbearable and he screamed out as if it would make it stop. Isabelle was now shaking, she knew her father was in pain and was terrified of what might happen. A thousand what if's ran through the little girls mind and her shaking increased and strangled cries erupted from her. She only managed to say one word,**

**"MOMMY!"**

**TBC **


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N I like Peter Grodin so as far as I am concerned he never died.**

**Chapter 3**

**As Elizabeth watched as John and Isabelle left Atlantis she felt a shiver of fear run down her spine.**

_**"Don't be silly Liz nothing's going to happen to him."**_

**Although that was what her head kept telling her her heart didn't agree. When she entered her office she saw a folded page on her desk with her name on it, she recognised the writing immediately. John must have left it there before he left. She unfolded the page and read it slowly.**

_**Beth,**_

_**Please don't be mad at me but I made an appointment for you with Kate for today at 14:00 hours. I know you said that the dream you had last night hasn't affected you and that it was just a dream but I don't believe you Beth. This morning you were so different, so closed off that it scared me. Please just talk to Kate, if she says its nothing and that it was just a dream then I'll let it go.**_

_**Love,**_

_**John**_

**Elizabeth reread the note again and then once more she wasn't sure whether she wanted to hurt John or kill him. On the one hand she was thinking,**

_**"He's right that was more than just a dream."**_

**While on the other hand she was also thinking,**

_**"How dare he do something like this without consulting me first!"**_

**Unfortunately Elizabeth didn't have much time to consider her husbands actions as she had a meeting with Sam and Rodney to attend.**

**-------------------------------------**

**Three hours later Elizabeth left Sam's lab and headed for the mess hall. She was used to long science debriefs but that one seemed to last forever. She was about to enter the transporter when she heard someone call her.**

**"Elizabeth, wait up."**

**She turned and saw Sam running down the hall after her. Elizabeth couldn't help but smile, in the few years that Sam had been on Atlantis the two had become, without sounding childish, best friends. **

**"You heading for some lunch?" Sam asked when she reached her.**

**"Yeah care to join me?" Elizabeth said as she entered the transporter.**

**"Only if you promise not to hog all the blue jello." Sam said with a laugh.**

**Lunch was nice, the two friends talked about what was happening in their lives both profesional and personal and soon the topic of conversation found its way to Elizabeth's dream.**

**"I used to have those dreams about Jack all the time," Sam said wanting to reasure her friend. It was true, she couldn't remember how many times she had dreamt of putting her husband's, then CO's, body into the ground. She saw the fear in Elizabeth's eyes and knew that John was right about her needing to see Kate.**

**"I usually had them before big missions or when Jack would get injured. But Liz you have to remember it was only a dream. John isn't going anywhere"**

**Elizabeth knew she was right but still the fear remained.**

**"Maybe talking to Kate will help," She said as she sipped her coffee. "Yes Kate will tell me it was just a dream and then I'll be fine."**

**Although Elizabeth smiled and sounded confident in her words Sam knew she didn't mean them.**

**-------------------------------------------------**

**At five past three Elizabeth entered the control room. Her meeting with Kate didn't go as well as she thought it would. Instead of saying that it was just a dream and putting Elizabeth's mind at ease, Kate just made her more upset and worried over what might happen to her husband. She was so worried that once their session was over she headed straight to the control room to see if John had checked in on time.**

**"Peter did Colonel Sheppard check in at 14:30 like he was supposed to?"**

**Peter looked up at the woman who was their leader and saw a look in her eyes that she only ever saw when SGA-1 was away on what they knew was a dangerous mission.**

**"Yes Doctor, he said to tell you that all is well and that Jinto was going to take himself and Isabelle to see a cave that they thought we might be interested in."**

**Peter saw Elizabeth relax when she heard all was well.**

**"I'd like to talk to him, could you connect me through please?" Elizabeth asked. She knew that she sounded needy and while knowing that John had called in had helped her relax she wanted to hear his voice and Isabelle's.**

**"Certainly." **

**Peter punched in a code and nodded to her to begin when ready.**

**"Colonel Sheppard this is Atlantis, please respond." Elizabeth said wanting to sound at least someway responsible.**

**When no answer came back she looked to Peter. He simply shrugged his shoulders. Everything was working ok Colonel Sheppard should have been able to hear them.**

**"John this is Elizabeth, please respond!" **

**Elizabeth could hear the fear in her own voice and felt her pulse quicken. What she heard next caused a shiver to run down her spine and the whole of the gateroom to fall silent. It was a blood curtling scream.**

**"MOMMY!"**

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**As Isabelle clung to her father she could feel him shudder every time a bat flew by and bit him. Every time he sreamed she screamed aswell as fear filled her heart and soul and coursed through her veins. All she wanted was to go home to Atlantis and for her mother to hug her and make all the badness go away. She called out to her mother again and again, knowing full well that she couldn't hear her, thinking it would ease the pain but it only made it worse. She noticed how her father was beginning to tire, his arms became loose around her and his eyes began to close. **

**"Daddy wake up!"**

**She started to shake him in a desperate attempt not to lose him when suddenly she thought she heard the voice of an angel. It was calling to her father.**

**"You can't have him!" She yelled not knowing who at.**

**Again she heard this angelic voice calling to her father only this time it sounded more familiar and she knew where it was coming from. She reached over and gently placed her finger on the button on his walkie-talkie. Suddenly her father screamed louder than ever and collapsed aound her. Without hesitation Isabelle pressed the button.**

**"MOMMY!"**

**------------------------------------------------**

**The entire gateroom was silent. Every man and woman recognised that voice and their hearts broke as they heard little Isabelles screams. She shouted again and again her voice echoing around the gateroom.**

**"MOMMY HELP US!"**

**Elizabeth couldn't move, couldn't breath. Her daughters cries shook her very soul. She had to help them but the manner of how was hidden by the numbness that had engulfed her.**

**It was Jack O' Neill who took control of the situation, Isabelle was like a second daughter to him and he wasn't about to let anything happen to her or her father.**

**"Ford get a team together we're going over there," He ordered and Ford was instantly off gathering the best men.**

**"Teyla you are coming too, you know that land better than anyone." Teyla nodded so Jack knew she heard him however she was completely focused on the voice which filled the room.**

**"MOMMY THERE EVERYWHERE! MOMMY ARE YOU STILL THERE!"**

**Sam, who had arrived sometime in the last minute, looked to Jack and he knew instantly what she was about to ask.**

**"No Sam I need you to stay here and take care of Elizabeth."**

**Sam wanted to argue but looking over at her friend she knew her husband was right, Elizabeth was in shock for now but when it broke she would need someone there and she was not about to let that person be Kate Heightmyer.**

**"Dr. Becket this is O'Neill we have a medical emergency on the mainland report to the gateroom with your best men immediately."**

**Isabelles screams were still filling the room and it was only now that Jack thought about it that he realized noone had confirmed to the young child that they were even listening.**

**"Isabelle, honey, can you hear me?" Jack said trying not to sound upset.**

**"UNCLE JACK, THESE THINGS ARE ATTACKING US AND DADDY WON'T WAKE UP!"**

**On hearing this Elizabeth seemed to regain some of her focus and she looked at Sam, it hadn't just been a dream she was losing him! Sam was immediately at her side and wrapped her arms around her, holding the young woman as she cried.**

**"We're coming honey just hold on."**

**Jack looked up and the saw the best Atlantis had to offer standing infront of him ready to save their friend.**

**"Team take jumpers one and two and head over to that cave, Ford, Teyla, Becket your with me. Lets move people."**

**-----------------**

**They were coming for them, Isabelle knew they would. Try as she might the little girl was still unable to wake her father and her whole body shook as she tears wracked through her. She couldn't lose him, not now. The bats had dissapeared out of the cave, but Isabelle didn't care the damage was done and all she could do now was wait.**

**-------------------**

**He was unconscious, most likely dying. Elizabeth couldn't bare the thought. What was worse though was that Isabelle was their watching it all occur with no one to comfort her. No child should ever have to see that. She heard Sam as the woman attempted to comfort her, saying things like,**

**"It'll be fine, they'll both be ok. You'll see." **

**It was a bare faced lie and both women knew it. There was a chance John wouldn't be ok and all they could do now was wait.**

**TBC **


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**A/N Ok so I know my chapters are really short and my updates are few and far between but i am really busy with work so please bare with me.**

**--------------------------------------**

**Blackness was all around him, his body felt numb, he could hear someone calling his name but it sounded like they were miles away. He could barely make out what they were sayin and didn't have the strength to open his eyes too see who was addressing him. He tried to remember where he was, what had happened to him. He remembered saying goodbye to Elizabeth, taking Isabelle to the mainland and then going into the cave..the cave. **

_**'Those bats attacked us. Isabelle!'**_

**He now knew who it was that was calling to him. He tried to call back but couldn't, his mind was screaming her name but there was no sound from him. His little girl was alone. Again he tried to open his eyes to make any sort of movement but nothing happened.**

_**'What am I dead?' **_

**Dead, dead. Elizabeth's dream! Elizabeth dreamt he died. He remembered how shaken he had been and the very thought of it and swore that it would not come to pass. He would not leave her or their daughter!**

_**'I will not die! I will NOT die! I WILL NOT DIE!'**_

**However even as he repeated this mantra to himself he couldn't help but notice how tired he was becoming. Unconsciousness was upon him but he continued his mantra up to the point where he succombed to his tiredness.**

_**'I WILL NOT DIE!'**_

**-------------------------------------------**

**Isabelle knew that her father wasn't dead, he was still breathing. She feared that he would never wake up, like so many of the other people who called Atlantis home and whom she called family. **

**"Daddy wake up," she sobbed even though she knew it was useless.**

**"Daddy you promised you'd never leave me! Now WAKE UP!" **

**Her fear for her father began to turn to anger. She was angry at the Ancients who felt the need to write in a cave full of bats. She was angry at Jinto for showing it to them in the first place. She was angry at her uncle for not getting there sooner. At her mother for not being there to comfort her and most of all she was angry at her father for breaking his promise. He was leaving her.**

**She remebered when her father once went missing her mother prayed to the ancients to bring him back. Wiping her eyes she kneeled before her father and began a silent prayer.**

**"I don't know if you can hear me but if you can please bring my Daddy back. I know you are powerful, you could do it if you really wanted to. Please I don't want to lose my Daddy! He has to see me grow up, has to tuck me into bed, has to see my Mommy again. Please whoever is listening bring my Daddy home."**

**Once again the young girl broke down into tears and wrapped her arms around her father.**

**-----------------------------------------**

**Isabelle hadn't known that through her prayer the walkie - talkie was transmitting. All of Atlantis heard her prayer as did the men in the Jumpers on their way to help her.**

**As Elizabeth heard her daughters prayer she dropped to her knees and began to recite one of her own.**

**"I know your watching, you always are. Please bring my husband home. We can't lose him. I can't lose him. He has to see Isabelle grow upinto the beautiful woman we both know she will become. He has to hold me when I'm sad, protect me when I'm in danger, comfort me when I'm afraid. He has to hold his unborn child! He promised he'd never leave us! Bring him back!"**

**Sam watched as her friend began to rock back and forth as tears wracked her body. She watched as Elizabeth ran a hand over her abdomen all the while repeating his name. She couldn't help her own tears from falling at the thought of losing John and in the process losing Elizabeth.**

**"Jack where are you!"**

**-----------------------------------------------**

**Jack had heard the prayers of both mother and daughter and now he could hear the pain in his wife's voice. He had to save him, had to save all of them. His first fear was what the daeth of John would do to Isaballe. She was so young, she needed her father. Next came Elizabeth, he knew how his friend would cope. She would lock herself away, completely let herself go. When she finally came out she would over work herself and the Elizabeth that John loved and who loved him in return would have died along with him.**

**_'I will save him,' _he said to himself.**

**"We're just about to land Sam, don't worry."**

**Don't worry. What a stupid thing to say. Jack didn't dwell on it though as he set the Jumper down as close to the cave as possible. Seconds later Jumper 2 joined them and the men and women filed out. Jack grabbed his P-90 and went to join them.**

**"Ok everyone. Let's bring our people home!"**

**-----------------------------------------------**

**Isabelle could hear voices coming down the passage. She instantly recognised her Uncles and her aunt and began to call them.**

**"Uncle Jack, we're down here. Uncle Carson hurry. Aiden, Teyla please hurry!"**

**As soon as the adults heard the childs voice they quickened their pase down the passage. When they enetered the room they Isabelle sitting on the floor with her arms wrapped aound her unconscious father. Carson was instantly at her side followed closely by Jack.**

**"Uncle Carson. the bats were biting him and now he won't wake up!" **

**Carson Beckett looked at the little girl and saw the pain in her eyes. He could only imagine what she'd been through and if he could give his ownlife to take it all back he would in a second. Jack picked Isabelle up to let Carson look John over while one af his aids checked on Jinto who was also unconscious in the corner.**

**"Uncle Jack it's all my fault. He was trying to protect me." Isabelle said through tears eyes.**

**Jack tightened his grip around her and started gently rocking her.**

**"This isn't your fault princess. There was nothing you could have done."**

**Carson stood up and indicated to his team to put John on a stretcher.**

**"I think the bats venom may have been poisonous 'cus the poor lad is running a fever. He's unconscious at the moment but he's still breathing. The same with Jinto. I won't no any more till i get them to the infirmary."**

**"Ok people you heard the man, lets move out."**

**When they arrived back at the Jumper thry could hear Sam's frantic calls.**

**"Jack? Jack do you have them? Jack are you there? Jack O' Neill you answer me this instant!"**

**Once John, Isabelle and Jinto were settled Jack answered. **

**"That's a positive Atlantis, we have John, Isabelle and Jinto and are heading home. ETA ten minutes."**

**-----------------------------------------------------**

**Everyone in the Gateroom let out a sigh of relief on hearing the news. But the fear in Elizabeth did not go away...**

**TBC **


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**A/N Hey I think I'm getting better at this regular updating thing, don't ya think? Well I hope you enjoy the latest instalment and please don't forget to review.**

**--------------------------------------**

_**'Ten minutes, he'll be home in ten minutes and everything will be fine. He's going to be fine.' **_

**No matter how many times Elizabeth repeated her mantra she couldn't believe it. There was this little voice inside her head mocking her and try as she might Elizabeth couldn't make it go away.**

**_'He's going to die and you know it,'_ the voice said. _'You could have stopped him but you didn't. This is all your fault! He's going to die because of you!'_**

**Elizabeeth started rocking again as she tried desperately to make the voice go away. Her efforts were useless and the voice kept tormenting her.**

_**'Your daughter is going to watch her father die and it will be all your fault! She will blame you, hate you. They all will when they find out about the dream. You killed your husband.'**_

**Sam watched as Elizabeth continued rocking and became very worried for her friend. She wondered what was going through her mind as occasionaly she would hear her say something like 'Shut Up', or 'Go Away.' Sam hoped against hope that John and Isabelle would both return safe, she couldn't bare to think what would happen to Elizabeth if anything happened to either of them.**

**The wait was soon over as Jack radioed in that he was coming in to land. Jumper two stooped in the docking bay as Jumper one continued down to the gateroom. It had only just set down when Elizabeth jumped up and ran down the steps. When the jumper door opened Isabelle was the first out as she ran into her mothers arms.**

**"Mommy I was so scared."**

**"It's ok baby, Mommy's here." **

**She settled Isabelle on her hip as the stretchers were brought out. Jinto lay unconsious but breathing on one, while John lay on the other with an oxygen mask over his face. His respiration must have worsened during the journey home. Elizabeth was embarassed to admit to herself that she had forgotten that Jinto had been with them, the worse thing was that everyone was thinking the same thing.**

**Elizabeth knelt down next to John's stretcher and took his hand in her free one. No words were spoken, they didn't need to be. She was just so happy to see him alive, everything else could wait.**

**"How is he Carson?" She asked looking up at the man who had become one of her closest friends.**

**"He's stable for now but I need to get him to the infirmary, God only knows how many times he was bitten."**

**It was then that Elizabeth noticed all the little bite marks that covered her husbands face and arms, there were dozens of them. She nodded and rose to her feet. She kept hold of his hand as they took him down to the infirmary.**

**--------------------------------**

**Elizabeth sat outside the infirmary with Isabelle in her arms waiting for Carson to come back with news on John. Isabelle was physically fine no bites, cuts or even bruises but Carson had told Elizabeth that she was in shock and would need time to come out of it. The little girl hadn't said a word since she ran to her mother. Jinto was also going to be fine, he had one bite on the back of his neck but a round of meds was quickly fighting the poison that had infected him. **

**Isabelle sat on her mothers lap, staring at the wall. Her mother and friends had tried to get her to talk but she stayed silent. The bat attack playing over and over in her brain.**

**_'If only I'd been stronger,'_ She thought. _'Daddy wouldn't have had to protect me and now he wouldn't be sick.' _**

**She saw the pain that layed in her mothers eyed and was comvinced that her mother would hate her forever for what she'd done. She wasn't strong like her Daddy, or brave like her Mommy. She was weak. Her mother would probably send her to the wraith to be eaten, or back to Earth to live in an orphanage. **

_**'Mommy will stop loving me because I took Daddy away.'**_

**Sam and Jack sat opposite Elizabeth and Isabelle both waiting for news on their friend. They remembered when they first came to Atlantis how friendly Sheppard had been to them. While the other original expidition members, soldiers and scientists alike, had shunned Jack for replacing John as military commander and Sam for becoming head of field science John, and Elizabeth, had been nothing but welcoming. Jack had married John and Elizabeth while Sam was maid of honor. At their own wedding John was grromsman, Daniel being bestman and Teal'c photographer, and Elizabeth was a bridemaid, Cassie was maid of honor. Sam was the first person Elizabeth told when she was pregnant and Sam and Jack were Isabelle's godparents. The two couples had become one big family and it pained Sam and Jack greatly to see their family in pain.**

**The rest of John's team was also there, waiting for any news on their fallen CO. There wait was soon over as Carson came out to speak to them.**

**Carson walked over to Elizabeth and knelt down infront of her.**

**"John's awake Elizabeth but he is very weak."**

**Elizabeth's eyes brightened at the news as did those of everyone in the room, he was going to be ok.**

**"Elizabeth," Carson's tone changed and Elizabeths eyes fell.**

**"I'm not going to lie to you lass, he was bitten 48 times, the poison is infecting his entire body and the medication I gave Jinto is having no affect on John. I'm hoing to comtinue tryin but Elizabeth," Carson paused not quite sure how do tell her what he had to say.**

**"I don't know if there is anything I can do."**

**TBC**

**A/N Hahaha aren't I really cruel with my cliffhangers. **


	8. Chapter 7

**Ok I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to update but i was in hospital and am only just after being released. To be honest I never thought this fic would go on so long but i figure seeing as how those of you who are kind enought to review seem to like it I may as well continue. I'm afraid there will be another large update gap as i am gong on holidays for two weeks on Friday and am then going to be right back to school but rest assured I have every intention of finishing this fic.**

_**Chapter 7**_

**When Elizabeth heard the words leave Carson's mouth her world caved in on itself. She knew the Scot well enough to know that we would never say that unless he knew the person would not survive. John was going to die. The idea of it seemed absurd, John Sheppard was never supposed to die. He was supposed to get himself into perilous situations and when his back was up against the wall and there was no sign of escape he would continue to fight. When others would give up he would continue fighting and he would win. He was a survivor, he was not supposed to die.**

**"May I see him?"**

**Elizabeth tried to not let her emotions show, tried to hide behind a cold mask that John had often called her Vulcan facade, but Carson saw the pain in her eyes. This news was killing her and it killed him that he had to be the one to deliver it to her.**

**"Of course."**

**He stepped aside and allowed Elizabeth to raise to her feet. She did so with Isabelle still in her arms, still the little girl said nothing. Carson hoped the girl was too out of it to understand what was happening, she was too young for this to happen to her. As Elizabeth walked towards the door with all the strength she could muster she didn't look left or right, terrified those around her would catch a glimpse of what was going through her mind. **

**As she neared the door Isabelle began to squirm in Elizabeth's arms, trying desperately to get down. She did not want to go in there. Her father would be mad at her, she did this to him. She didn't want to see him, couldn't bare to hear what he had to say to her. He would call her weak, Sheppard's were stong, she was not a Sheppard, she was not his daughter. When Elizabeth set her down Isabelle ran to the far corner of the room and curled up into a ball.**

**"Isabelle, don't you wanna see Daddy?" **

**Elizabeth was shocked to say the least. She wondered what was going through her daughters mind and didn't doubt for a second that she knew the seriousness of the situation. That didn't explain why the little girl ran. Usually when John was in the infirmary Isabelle would be the first to visit him and would make it her duty to cheer him up. Isabelle gave no reply, simply stayed in the corner.**

**"Isabelle?"**

**Suddenly it hit her, Isabelle was blaming herself. She believed that her father was dying because of her. What a thing for a little girl to believe, it was no wonder she refused to talk. Elizabeth slowly approached her daughter but as she did so the little girl began to pull away further into the corner. Elizabeth sat infront of her and reached to touch her face, again Isabelle pulled away.**

**"This is not your fault Isabelle, do you hear me?"**

**No response.**

**"No one thinks this is your fault, especially not you father."**

**Still no response.**

**"I'm sure he's wondering why you haven't been to see him yet."**

**Isabelle raised her head, her cheeks were wet with the tears.**

**"I wasn't strong enough, I am weak. I am not ye're daughter."**

**That was all she said. She laid her head on her knees and slowly began to rock back and forth. Elizabeth didn't know what to do. Her daughter needed her but there was nothing she could do, beyond reassure her. **

**Sam could see the dilemma her friend was in, does she stay and work to reassure her daughter or does she go to the man she loves who is suffering? You would think the answer would be easy, stay with Isabelle. However, if John was to get better he would need Elizabeth. With a look to Jack, who immediately nodded in understanding she approached Elizabeth.**

**"Elizabeth, why don't you go see John and we will keep an eye on Isabelle."**

**Elizabeth was shocked to hear her friend suggest that she leave her daughter in her time of need. She also knew where Sam was coming though, she wanted so much to see John, to hear his voice and Isabelle was refusing to talk to her. What else could she do?**

**"Isabelle?"**

**The girl looked up and the pain in her eyes made Elizabeth want to cry.**

**"I'm going into see Daddy are you sure you don't want to come?"**

**Isabelle gave no response which Elizabeth took as a no.**

**"Ok well, I want you to wait here with Aunty Sam and the others and when you are ready we'll be waiting for you."**

**Isabelle still gave no response and simply laid her head back down on her knees.**

**Elizabeth got to her feet, she felt like her world was falling apart and she was powerless to stop it. Sam laid a reassuring hand on her shoulder.**

**"We'll talk to her. Go to John, he needs you."**

**Elzabeth just nodded and walked into the infirmary. Once inside she quickly looked at herself in a mirror to make sure no tears had made their way through, she then made a b-line for what was nicknamed 'Colonel Sheppard's Bed'. There he lay, staring at the ceiling, wires attached to his body, wherever the wasn't a bandage, connecting him to several beeping machines. **

**John heard Elizabeth enter the infirmary and when she was next to the bed he looked at her. Her hair was a bit dishevelled, most likely from her running her hand through it a few too many times, there were bags under her eyes and her eyes, her beautiful eyes, were full of fear, pain and anger. He could see the tears that threatened to spill over and in that instant would have done anything to relieve her pain.**

**Elizabeth looked down at her husband and once again began a war with her emotions. His face was so pale and was covered with small bites, his breathing was slightly laboured and even though his eyes were full of concern, she could see in them that he was in alot of pain. When he spoke his voice was slow and it was obvious that it was taking a lot of effort.**

**"Hey honey, fancy meeting you here." **

**Elizabeth reached for John's hand and as she held it her barriers fell and the tears began to fall. She was losing him and he was trying to make a joke.**

**"Oh John.."**

**John stopped her by raising his hand to her lips.**

**"Beth don't."**

**Elizabeth tried desperately to wipe the tears away but they kept on coming.**

**"I thought...I thought you were going to die out there." Elizabeth was now shaking uncontrolably as the emotions she had been fighting overtook her.**

**"I would never have gotten to say goodbye."**

**John took hold of her hand again and gave it a soft squeeze. He knew he was dying, he could already feel some of his systems starting to shut down.**

**"I knew I wasn't going to die out there."**

**Elizabeth looked up an unasked question in her eyes.**

**"I knew I wouldn't die because I wanted to see you one last time, to look onto her eyes, to feel your soft touch and to tell you how much I loved you."**

**Elizabeth looked into his eyes and all she saw was love, pure love.**

**"I knew I wouldn't die because i didn't want my little girl to witness such a horrific event."**

**On mention of Isabelle Elizabeth's eyes fell.**

**"Beth, what's wrong?"**

**"Isabelle blames herself. She thinks she killed you."**

**John was horrified, how could his little princess think such a thing. He could only imagine what thoughts were going through his daughters mind but he knew that she was suffering. They didn't have time to discuss the matter further when they heard soft footsteps approaching them.**

**"Daddy?"**

**Elizabeth moved herself and she and John watched as Isabell approached the bed. Her walk was slow, her little body trembling, her face wet with tears, her eyes filed with so many emotions.**

**"Come here princess."**

**John reached his hand out to her and the girl ran to him. Elizabeth picked her up and sat her gently on the bed.**

**"I'm so sorry Daddy. This is all my fault. I should have been stronger. Sheppards are strong."**

**As the little girl ranted John's heart broke, as did Elizabeth's, how was a little girl supposed to cope with what she had been through.**

**"Isabelle this is not not your fault," John said in a stern voice.**

**"But I..."**

**"No buts, what happened noone could have prevented. You were really brave in that cave, you managed to call for help. You are a Sheppard through and through."**

**Isabelle flung her arms around her father, the guilt hadn't gone away but it had faded somewhat.**

**"I thought you'd die and that Mommy would stop loving me for taking you away," she mumbled into John's shoulder.**

**Elizabeth laid a hand on her daughters back and Isabelle looked up.**

**"I will never stop loving you, and neither will your father."**

**---------------------------------------------------------------**

**When Carson returned to the infirmary he found John, Elizabeth and Isabelle curled up on the bed. They looked so perfect, so peaceful. A random observer would never suspect the horrible fate that was to befall them. **

**Carson was checking John's vitals when suddenly one of the moniters started beeping frantically. The beeping quickly woke Elizabeth and Isabelle and Carson saw that the Colonel's breathing was failing. John managed to open his eyes and look at the two loves of his life. He tried to speak but found that there was no air in his lungs, he reached for their hands and holdin them tighly managed to say three words before falling into unconsciousness.**

**"I...l..lo...love..you."**

**"Daddy!"**

**"John!"**

**TBC **


End file.
